There’s a powerful strength in your smile—a smile that tells the world you have everything under control. You’re the person everyone can rely on, the one who holds everything together, both at home and in your career. You excel in your work, take care of others, and offer support without hesitation. On the outside, everything about you looks polished, from your well-kept appearance to your impeccable demeanor.
But inside, it’s a different story. You’re hanging by a thread.
No one would ever guess that beneath the surface, you’re quietly struggling. You’re managing to keep up appearances while feeling overwhelmed and exhausted inside. You give and give to everyone around you, but when it comes to your own needs, there’s little to nothing left. You keep smiling on the outside, even though you’re slowly breaking down on the inside.
I see you.
I know you.
I was you (and sometimes still am).
The truth is, there is a pattern here; a pattern of putting yourself last and others first often stems from something deeper—unexpressed emotions that have been pushed aside for far too long. These emotions don’t go away on their own. As Dr. Sigmund Freud said, “Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways.”
Think about the “uglier” (unhealthy) ways that are showing up in your life…What are they?
I believe that unexpressed emotions are the driving force behind your silent suffering. Every time you ignore your own needs, every time you bury how you truly feel, every time you put up a wall of perfection, you’re planting seeds that will eventually grow into something far more damaging. This is how breakdowns happen—slowly, silently, and often unnoticed by others. The constant focus on giving to others without giving to your emotional core is unsustainable.
But here’s the good news: There is another way.
You can break out of this pattern by learning to acknowledge and express your emotional truth. You don’t have to be sloppy or mushy about it. You can be highly intellectual about it – emotionally intellectual, that is! It’s time to stop burying emotions and start dealing with them head-on. This is where emotional intelligence comes in—learning to understand, navigate, and express your emotions in a healthy and intelligent way. This IS the key to breaking the cycle of self-neglect (or pretense, as it was for me).
- You deserve to give to yourself just as much as you give to others.
- You deserve to stop pretending everything is fine and start living authentically.
- You deserve to feel whole, to reclaim the “YOU” you once knew, and to step into a TRUE-YOU power—without feeling guilty or selfish.
Let me introduce you to what I call Selfish-Generosity™—a practice of giving to yourself first so you can give to others from a place of emotional intelligence, not physical and mental depletion. Selfish-Generosity™ doesn’t mean being selfish. It means understanding that you are worthy of the same care, attention, and self-love that you offer so freely to everyone else.
You matter. Your needs matter. Your emotional wisdom matters.
If you’re reading this and something resonates deep within you, I want you to know that I see your silent suffering. I see the burden you carry, the exhaustion you feel, and the need for something to change.
I do this work and share my truth because I suffered silently for a long long time and was too prideful and too embarrassed to let anyone know. Then, a breakdown happened and I no longer had the control I thought I always would. If you are going to suffer, then let’s make it as short as possible. If you don’t want to suffer and would rather learn from what others have already gone through, I am here to help you navigate this journey.
But before I (or anyone else) can help, you have to come to the place where the “cost” is no longer sustainable; it’s just too much to keep paying. Personally, I would rather avoid paying the cost totally and learn from those who already have.
You are not alone!
You don’t have to suffer silently anymore.
Share your thoughts about this topic. I’d be delighted to engage in a conversation with you about how this topic lands with you.
Let’s have fewer breakdowns and limitless breakthroughs.